Rhod Gilbert on BBC Radio Wales.

If you are listening to this, you are listening to Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits, some of the best bits of my Saturday morning radio show, live on BBC Radio Wales. This week, I'm in my kitchen in London with Mr. Clint Edwards.　ロッド・ギルバーツ・ベスト・ビッツ、それはロッド・ギルバートのベストなビッツ。今日はロンドンの自宅のキッチンからクリント・エドワーズとともにお送りする。

Now then, it's a light-hearted gambol through the papers today, unless, Clint Edwards, unless you are, uh, Hector Perosa. ヘクター・ペローザ / Who's that? / Uh ... he is ... he is the latest in the long line of people. I've been collecting them. I've actually been over the ... over this year ... look, I've got one year from June. Look at this. From ... from June 11th. I've got a piece of paper in front of me. And ... I think this is the most organized I've ever been. Uh, so vexed am I by the subject. オレがこれほど段取りがいいのは初めてだ。それほど腹が立っているということだ。This Hector Perosa is jailed for three years in Bogota, Columbia." Right? Uh ... you know, we all know Bogota's a ... you know, / It wouldn't be my first choice to be jailed there. / It wouldn't be our first choice to be jailed. Do you know what he is being jailed for three years for doing? 何をやってつかまって、三年も懲役をくらったと思う？ / Uh ... courting with frogs? / 蛙とナニをした ... とか？ / No. ... Pinching two toilet rolls. ... That is one and a half years of bird per roll. トイレットロールを二個盗んだんだ。一個につき一年半くらったことになる。/ What's that per sheet?　You know  一枚につき何日かな？ / depends on the price per sheet / they do, yeah. ... I don't know. What would it be? How many ... how many sheets are there generally in a toilet paper? / Let me count. 数えてみないと。/ yeah / You'll have to go to the shop first. "Look, have you got any toilet paper?" It's a normal Saturday in the Gilberts' house. Um, so ... I don't know how many sheets, how many sheets ... let's say 280. That's my guess / 12? / is it? / Yeah. / 12? / I'm quite ... I'm quite new to toilet paper. / I'd say, a hundred ... 150 / No, there's not that many sheets in a roll of toilet paper. / Someone right now somewhere might know. / Actually, you've got a bit of OCD (Opressive-compulsive disorder) stuff gong on. You probably know. / I go through a roll every four visitations. / No. / Nuh, that is a lie. But it is quite quick. / Visitations? / It is quite ... / ordeal / oh dear / it is quite spiritual, spooky affair. Um ... anyway, I don't know how many sheets are there in ... I don't know how many ... I don't know how much bird that is per sheet. ... Let's say 200. / 一枚何日ってことになるのかな。仮にロール一個に 200 枚あるとして ... / I can't work this out. Who's got ... Dan, over in with Radio Wales, can you work out this, Dan? / Radio Wales / Earn your money. Earn your money. 少しは働け。I wanna know. We wanna know. ... / 200 sheets per roll. / 200 sheets per roll? Hector Perosa, that means, you nicked 400 sheets ということは、400 枚盗んだことになる。/ And he's doing three years in prison. So, he's doing a thousand days of prison pretty much for nicking ... how many? ３年ということは 1000 日。/ 400 sheets? So, that's two and a half days per sheet １枚につき 2.5 日の服役という計算だ。 / Am I right? That's just my, uh ... very hung-over-tired arithmetic there. I'm very tired. ... Was that right? ... You didn't follow it then? / I didn't see you look at おまえの顔を見たらわかったよ。/ you didn't follow that オレの二日酔いの頭で一所懸命計算したんだが ... おまえ、聞いてなかったろ。/ I was just thinking about The Shawshank Redemption. 「ショーシャンクの空に」のことを考えてた。 / Anyway, I think it's unfair. I ... / It's very controversial / The punishment doesn't fit that crime, does it? And I was ... I thought I'd lob a feature out today, 8 10 12 / text / you can, uh, / tweet the show @rhodgilbertshow. / Have you ... / hey, keep it light / Let's get him released. / Keep it light. ... For ... oh, yeah, that's __ an even better feature. That's a much better feature. ... First feature: Let's campaign for the release of, uh, Hector Perosa. / Yeah. After he cleans up and washes his hands, let's get him out. / we do ... / we need a name for / if you / campaign for the release of people, you need a name / the Bogota bog ... bog ... / it does lend itself / 妙に語呂がいいな。/ Bogota ... the bog roll thief of Bogota, ... mind you, that, sort of ... that's painted him as quite guilty, innit? 何だか余計悪いヤツにきこえる。/ the ... uh ... Bog roll patsy? No. ... The ... uh ... "Free the bog roll one" / "Free the Bog man" / "Free the Bogota bog man" / the body in the bog / トイレに落ちたヤツを救出するみたいだな / Free the Bogota bog roll one. Right. That's Feature 1 / ... which is, ironically, number 2. / 皮肉なことに、Ｎｏ．２ 関係だが。 / Yeah. Free the Bogota Bog Roll one. That's my Feature #1 on the show today. (I'm) writing it on there. / Free the Bogota bog roll one / ... Feature #2 is, "Punishment fits the crime?" ... keep it light, everyone, but have you ever ... have you ever been severely punished for some ... for something small? 君は軽い罪で重い罰を受けたことはあるか？ ... あまり深刻な話はやめてね。/ Look at this. I've been collecting these this year. I'm building a case, which I'm gonna take to the European Court of Human Rights quickly before we get out of it. / 欧州人権裁判所で立件しようと思ってんだ。英国が EU から抜ける前にやらないとな。 / Uh ... "Cops arrested a bar-full of Brits", right? It's in Portugal. "30 holiday-makers and expats ... This is from ... this is from the newspaper, Monday, June the 24th. Have a guess, Clint Edwards, why a bar-room of 30 holiday-making Brits and expats were quizzed through the night in Portugal? ... Through the night. Have a guess. Punishment doesn't fit the crime. That's the feature. That's your clue. / With a, uh ... stealing something like the toilet rolls ... / They were playing bingo. / All right, yeah. / Overnight. There ... here's another one. "British couple ... " This is the headline from June 11th. ... June. It was summer. Utter madness. / That's my birthday. / Is it? / Yeah. / Huh. Well, happy birthday. / Oh, cheers, mate. What did you get me? / Uh ... I've got you this story. / That's why I stuck you that catalogue / Is that really your birthday? / June 11th, yeah. / That's spooky. / Is it? / It was a Thursday. No, sorry, it was a Tuesday this year. / Possibly. / ... Did you have a good time? / Yes. It was great. / I can tell you some other stories from your birthday if you want. / Go on. / Uh ... / British couple thrown into Spanish jail in row over what? ... On your birthday. You should remember this, really. ... __ punishment doesn't fit the crime. / Monopoly? / Got thrown into a Spanish ... a holiday couple were arrested and thrown in to cells in Spain for refusing to pay for a paella they hadn't ordered. イギリス人カップルがスペインで、注文してもいないパエリヤに対する支払いを拒否したところ、逮捕され留置された。... That's absolutely true. Absolutely true. Uh ... " ... broken off like a firecracker. We put down 105 euros and said, 'We woulc pay that', but he wanted 120 euros / 私たちは 105 ユーロ出して、「これだけ払います」と言いましたが、向こうはどうしても 120 ユーロ払えと言います。 / it got a bit ugly / That's 90 quid, isn't it? (※「ポンド」を意味する "quid" は常に単数形) / Huh? /  Isn't it 90 quid? / I don't know. It's 12 pound / yeah, but that was their meal's. But __ they hadn't ordered a paella, so they said "we didn't order that paella. We are not paying for that" / and they went to prison. ... That doesn't fit the crime, does it? / I __ __ kept that / Right. Do you want ... / do you want a third one? I've been waiting for an opportunity to do this. I mean, uh ... hey, right, what ... eh, is this? / June again. June the 14th / That's my birthday. / three days after your birthday, pub ... right ... a grant ... a great grandad ... never deserving a chokey. ... He was banned for life from his local boozer. ... for what? / Banned for .. what? Like, next 40 days? ひいじいさんが一生出入り禁止？ 一生？ あと 40 日くらいか？/ yeah / grandad banned for the rest of his life その余生の間、出入り禁止。/ He was 80 years old. / All right. OK, so ... / Oh, no, his wife is 80 years old / How old is he? / I don't know. / Let's work it out. / It didn't say / great grandad / Why should he be banned? / Uh ... what ... I'll tell you why he has been banned / I'll tell you what. The punishment doesn't fit the crime. He's been banned from his local boozer for what, Clint? ... Punishment doesn't fit the crime / stealing beer mats? / not stealing beer mats. Good guess. You've got two more guesses. / Complaining about the juke box? / Ooo. Complaining is in the area. / OK. / He complained about something. It wasn't ... / Urine on the bar nuts? / It wasn't the amount or quality of the urine on the bar nuts. It was ... he complained that the peas in his meal were still frozen. 出された豆が完全に解凍されていなかったので文句を言ったそうだ。... And he got a lifetime ban from his local ... Punishment doesn't fit the crime. So, that's my second feature today. It's "Have you ever been unfairly treated for punishment?". Keep it light, everyone. And also, let's get ... let's start our campaign to free the ... the Bogota bog roll one.

Uh ... "Morning, Rhod" This is from posty Kev__ in N__. Uh ... "Morning, Rhod. Could you please say to these postmen in N__ / Honestly, it's getting on my nerves だんだん腹たってきた / they just use this show as a chatroom, basically. "Morning, Rhod. Could you please say to N__ posties, Graham and Jeff that I'm gonna miss them next week, and could you wish me luck 'cause I will be working with John. / I'm not talking to John / Huh, not John. / Uh ... they just use it as a chatroom, these postmen. I'm starting to believe some of them don't exist. Some posty Kev in N__, who I'm pretty sure is the only one that does exist. Hm ... Huh. This is a call. Look at this. There's a call. Somebody's called in. I ... uh ... do you know what? I've been doing this show ... what, eight years or something ... ten years? Nine years? / I'd say six toilet rolls's worth. トイレットペーパー６個分だ。/ Yeah. ... I don't think we've ever had a call ... I don't think we've ever had a call. There is no ... 037 00 100 1 10 ... I could be wrong. But this one, somebody has called in from Mumbles in Swansea. Let me just read it just in case if it's a complaint. Hang on ... bluh bluh bluh ... no, we are. OK. ... "Some months ago, I happened to be up about ... " ... complain, feel free. Uh ... "some months ago, I happened to be up about 1:30 in the middle of the night. I could see a strip of light about 150 yards from my kitchen window under the garage door of my neighbour's house. The garage door was open by only two foot, and all I could see was a pair of pyjama legs walking from side to side of the garage." / Oh, dear ... getting rid of a body. / So, he is looking out of his window, / Huh, / ... sees his neighbour's house 150 yards away, to see a streak of light underneath the garage door in the middle of the night ... 1:30 ... " "middle of the night", he describes that. I tell you, that is not the middle of the night, Bill. Uh ... that is early evening ... in our book. Um ... so, the garage door is open at the bottom and you can see some pyjamaed legs walking side to side in the ... / what / what / I mean, what could he be doing? / Checking his oil? / Checking his oil. Good one. ... "The same thing happened the next day." ... Huh. ... Bill, ... I thought Bill was gonna say "I found out what it was, bluh bluh bluh ... ". Bill just goes "Do you have any idea what my neighbour could be doing?" That's it. ... Uh ... "Do you have any idea what my neighbour could ..." / __ / could have been doing when I saw the garage door fully open / ガレージの扉が完全に空いた時、そこに私が見たものは ... / huh, so, Bill knows. Bill knows. He's seen the garage door fully open, I think. / he's going guess what he saw 彼が何を見たか、当ててみろ、と我々に言ってる。/ you looked out your window at 1:30 in the night, and you saw your neighbour's pyjamaed legs ... well, we assume it was your neighbour, unless it was a stranger in pyjamas in your ... in your neighbour's garage ... walking back and forth. You could just see his feet. I thought table tennis at first, then I thought why / any sense / and / how fast was he running back and forth / pacing ... maybe it was, uh, / yeah, but / playing dart / answer is not gonna be "pacing", is it? He's not gonna go, "Guess what I saw when he opened the garage door / was actually just / walking back and f__ / what do you think it's gonna be? / at first, I thought it was solo table tennis. He was hitting the ball and running around to the other side / then / back / then I thought / A: (the ball is) too quick for that, / Yeah, / B: Why would you do that? And C: then Bill would have said "He was running" ... wouldn't he? He says "walking". Walking from side to side / clearly / pyjama legs, walk ... / doesn't even say / legs in them / I could see / pair of pyjama legs, walking from side to side of the garage. ... I'll tell you what, Bill. This is the first phone call we've had / in / eight years / or in __. / what do you think? / It's like the ... one of those logical brain puzzles. / It is like one of those logical brain puzzles. / Jack and Jill w__ dead, and there was a p__ of water / glass / Oh, yeah, yeah, they are fish. Easy. / Well, actually / __ __ suicide __ __ / easy, that is. / Yeah. / Uh ... Bill H__ in Mumbles, you've got us. You've got us. You've got us. 降参だ。参った。Uh ... why don't you get involved, listeners? That's what we are trying to do / innit? / Let's have a feature. Why not? Feature #1: Free the bog roll Bogota one. Feature #2: Have you ever been unfairly treated? ... Uh, like people who were banned from a pub for life for complaining that the peas are frozen ... that kind of stuff / people jailed for refusing to pay / paella that they never ate, um, and, like, uh, Hector Perosa, of course, the bog roll Bogota one. Anyway, Bill, let us know as well. Let us know, Bill, what ... what did you see? My best guess is solo table tennis.

"Morning, Rhod and Clint" Uh, ... this is BBC Radio Wales, that's Clint Edwards, uh, and, uh, Rhod Gilbert. Uh ... we are live. This has come in / on __ email I believe, uh, from E__ in Mountain Ash / who is, uh ... do you know what? I ... __ ... he's a regular contributer to this show, / Really? / same stuff / he's emailed / rhod / r h o d / .co.uk. ... He's ... look at that. Quite a lengthy email. Would you say ... I would describe that as half a page of A4 / half a page of A4. / Yeah. / Right? I haven't read it yet. I've got no idea what it says. But what I have done is, skip down to the bottom, just __ __ __ Best Wishes __ and, underneath that, it says "Note from producer / just read it / underneath ... underneath E__'s half-page email, the note from the producer at the bottom of the page says, "Note from the producer: No, we can't. But thanks for asking." So, ... I thought I'd read that first, E__ __, just to ... let's dash your hopes first because I don't want to read your email and read that at the end. 最後にがっかりさせるのは嫌だから、先に言っとく。So at least you know up-front now, if you are listening / you can switch off right now / whatever / about to ask for, the answer is no, but thanks for asking. Uh ... "Morning, Rhod and Clint. As you've opened up the floor to any subject, I thought this'll be a good time to ask a favour of you. / __ __ __ __ / I think we know where this is going, E__ / "... On the Owen Money show," which is before mine, for those of you who aren't familiar with it. Uh, it's before mine, on Radio Wales / Owen Money, uh, Saturday morning / On the Owen Money show, there is a feature where he plays the first note of a song ..." ... Huh. That's a nice feature. / Good feature. / "... and listeners call in. I know the answer to this week's, but was ... was unable to get through." Are you ... / A bit late? / E__, are you basically contacting me to, sort of, get hold of Owen Money for you? / おまえのためにオーウェン・マネーをつかまえろとオレに言ってるのか？ / 'cause ... wouldn't it ... I'm my house in London, uh, E__ __, / probably left the studio now in Cardiff / does the show / I believe. ... "I know / get through. Any chance you could find out what it is and email me the answer? If I'm wrong, at least I / have to / set my alarm / next Saturday's show to phone in. You have my word as a gentleman that I won't tell a soul. こっそり教えてよ。誰にも言わないから。紳士として誓う。/ "And I dearly want the prize on offer if there is one." I tell you now. There won't be one. This is a new BBC, E__ __. We are not allowed to give, uh, prizes. No prizes here on the BBC. __ is just the satisfaction of being correct is, uh, is all you get. "That's about it, really" says E__ / painting today, I probably keep listening to your show. 今日はペンキ塗りをするので / that's kind of a committment we like. / probably keep / as we've already discussed this, E__ __, the answer from the producer is no, we can't do this, but thanks for asking. ... So, I'm afraid, as a gentleman, it's no. We can't, E__ __. It's like ... That's a great feature, though. Play the ... / steal / feature / play the first note / yeah / why don't you play the last note? / Brilliant / then take answers ... / Let's change it. Produces back in Cardiff / Can we have a new feature in the second half of the show today, please, where I will play the last note of a song. I knew I have to guess what it is 最後の音だけを聴いて曲名を当てる。/ the production team / just / my ear / they love it. They love the feature. What are we gonna call it? "Last Note Standing"? That'll do for now. Uh ... so, Feaure #1 today, ladies and gentleman, is "Free the Bogota bog roll one", so we're starting a campaign, so, uh, to do that, to help my campaign, you can, uh ... I don't know. Probably tweet or something / # / freethebogotabogrollone / Hector Perosa / name / chain yourself / get it trending ... I don't know what that means ... get it trending, ladies and gentlemen, and, uh, and then ... / Chain yourself to a toilet. / Chain yourself to a toilet. Actually ... eh, Don't chain yourself to a toilet / and then they __ ring Radio Wales and say, "Hey, I'm ... it's E__ / myself to the toilet. I'm stuck. ... By the way, what was that Owen Money thing this morning? I've got it. __ __ __ Pet Shop Boys. 答えがわかったんだ。ペット・ショップ・ボーイズの曲だ。" ... Don't chain yourself to a toilet. Uh ... chain, uh ... but just protest / get on to the street / what about / toilet and pull the chain? / Nuh that's wasting water. We cannot encourage that. / huh? / yeah. / Go in and just look at your toilet and think what you've done. ... / トイレで反省してなさい / And then ... hey, the second half of the show, we've got our new feature, Last Note Standing. I'm gonna play the last note of a song, and, uh ... I always play __ loud enough to hear it. / quite often fades / in the past. / Huh / make sure / loud enough / Yeah / we'll make sure / to hear it. / play / before it fades, so / the last ... the last audible note, ___ go for / best one / we'll be playing / second half. ... What a great feature! / all came from the back of / E__ / thanks for that, E__ __. You have contributed to the show in no small ways / new feature ... even if we couldn't __ __ what you wanted.

Phone call from Chris S__ in B__y: "Threre's an online site / this refers to the Bogota one, the Bogota bog roll one / Oh, I was gonna tweet that. / Uh ... yeah, you'd better ... you'd better get that / social media, mate. / Hector Perosa / we've started a campaign, ladies and gentlemen / Bogota bog roll one, Hector Perosa, jailed for three years for pinching two toilet rolls in Bogota, Columbia. This is coming on the subject of that. "There's an online site, the Toilet Paper Encyclopedia. トイレット・ペーパー・エンサイクロペディア ... Ready? ... " ... On the average of one-ply toilet paper ... " Nobody uses one-ply toilet paper any more. / Only a fool would use ... / Only a ... only a fool would use one-ply toilet paper. / What a reckless lie is this man living? / He says / has 1000 sheets. Two-ply toilet paper, 500 sheets in a ... / that's about the average, he reckons, for toilet paper. So, if / 500 sheets in a ... do you know what? Hector Perosa __ __ as bad as we thought / we / estimated / roll / which should mean / meant / three years in prison for pinching two rolls / got 2.5 days / prison time / per sheet of toilet paper that he stole. / Yeah. / But, if he's got 500 sheets / per roll / not so bad, is it? / probably / done / only / about a day in prison per sheet / that's nothing ロール１個で 500 枚ということは、２個で 1000 枚。てことは、１枚につき１日服役ってことだ。刑罰としては妥当かもしれん。/ he could tear them off 切り取って盗めばよかったのに。刑期が軽くなる。/ choke / yeah / Further questions on there, on the Toilet Paper Encyclopedia page __, also ... which toilet paper is the best? And how can you pay for ... how can you pay for toilet paper?" Cash? I don't know. Cheques? / traveller's cheques? / you don't wanna trade 'cause / system in case you need it quickly / never look / toilet paper / ply / Nuh. / I never go / nobody looks for ply, do they? / no / one / feeling one ply" ... / No, I don't think they do. ... I'll level with you, I don't even ... / normal heavy / I don't even look / brands and stuff / I just ... I tend to go "recycled" / do you go / people. ... What / read out / different people, different / is another phone call from / another phone ... the phone is ringing off the hook today. / must be / Steve / Steve Robinson / yeah / He says, "Hi Rhod / Hi. ... Hi, Steve / thanks, Steve / is that it? / "Hi Rhod. I bought a luxury pack." There we are. So, he doesn't look for "recycled". "I bought a luxury pack __ __ supermarket __ brand's own toilet paper / All right, mate. __ __ show off, is it? 自慢してやがる。/ Is that it? You just rang me / 10. Why not ring in and tell us what toilet paper 募集しちゃおうかな。はい、皆さん、最近どんなトイレットペーパーを買いましたか？　どしどしお電話ください。/ you've recently bought / he says / contains / avarage of 220 sheets / I would think that's more like it. I say that's more like it. / Is that what you originally said? そう言ってたっけ。/ I said, about 280 / that's the figure I've got / I don't think ... I don't think ... I don't think Chris __ __ __ __ is right. I don't think it is 500 per roll. ... Do you know what I've been waiting for more than anything, Clint? Our features ... our features on the go today are ... our Feature#1 : "Free the Bogota bog roll one" / Just tweeted that. / You've tweeted that. Hector Perosa. We are starting a campaign / about / somebody comes back / looked into it / right / then "look, I'm sorry. I'm just __ on the basis of what I've read in the paper, which is, he has been jailed for three years for stealing two toilet paper rolls, which we've worked out, is a couple of days of bird, jail time, per sheet, and I think that doesn't fit the crime. Um ... and then, I'll tell you ... I'm still very curious. Earlier in this show, we got this from Bill H__ in Mumbles. Do you remember? Back in Coffee Morning? Right? Bill contacted the show. He said, "Some months ago, I happened to be up at 1:30 in the middle of the night / he looked across / his neighbour's house / 150 yards away __ Bill, from his kitchen window, he could see a strip of light under the garage door of neighbour's house. ... The garage door was just slightly open, slightly __ he could see a strip of light / underneath, and he / pyjamaed legs walking from side to side of the garage in the middle of the night. Same thing happened the next day ... and then he says, "Do you have any idea what my neighbour could have been doing?" Now ... I'm not ... I'm not sure is he's asking us to, uh, you know, speculate and to give him an answer, or whether he knows and he's playing a riddle, asking us to guess ... but could you get back in touch, Bill H__? Also, / think / you know the answer. What / I love a riddle. I love a ... I love an unsolved / I wanna know / a crime he start__ some months ago. / That ... I'm not sure if we need to think it as a crime. Do __ __ __ suspicious / if it is / Yeah, but I don't think it's a crime / there is no crime, is there? ... Is there a crime in being in your garage in pyjamas walking back and forth? What's suspicious about that? / Well, maybe in Colombia. コロンビアでは犯罪かもよ。 / What is suspicious about that? I ask you. Nothing. ... We also said earlier, uh, why would you steal __ toilet paper in Colombia なぜわざわざトイレットペーパーを盗むのか？/ maybe there is a national shortage, and I poo-pooed that, no pun intended. And then you said, uh, "Apparently there is a national shortage in Venezuela / we / Yeah. This is from Dave C__, and he says, "Not Colombia, but maybe / this / from next door / headline from today, "Venezuela completely runs out of toilet paper." お隣のベネズエラでトイレットペーパーを切らしたから警戒しているということは充分ありえる。/ That ... / First, milk, butter, coffee, cornmeal, now toilet paper. ミルク、コーヒー、コーンミール ... と次々と逼迫していって、とうとうトイレットペーパーだ。/ Wow. ... Hey, do you know my advice, Venezuela? / only __ __ buy / 4-pack / constantly running out / you are playing with fire there, mate. なめてかかると火傷するぜ。/ constantly running out. I am ... I am playing with fire たしかに、オレがやっていることは火遊びかもしれん。/ stay __ / sub-degree / only __ __ __ buy four / buy four toilet rolls / That's not enough for a ... good ... / ... grown man / Do you want my advice, Venezuela? If you have run out of toilet paper entirely, ... kitchen roll. ... / buy more ... / Use kitchen roll, Venezuela. 「我が国の民にはもう、今日ケツをふくトイレットペーパーもないのでございます」 「キッチンペーパーを使えばいいじゃないの」/ buy more than four / yeah / buy more ... how can you run out, as a nation? I mean, don't get me wrong, I run out, right? 国がトイレットペーパーを切らすって、どういうことだよ？ そりゃ、オレだって切らすことはあるよ。/ because, sometimes, you know, like, you might be staying over / you might use the last sheet / I might go in half an hour later / you know / my god / no toilet paper / hopefully I realize before it's too late / As a nation, how can you run out? / can you imagine / it's gonna be ... now it's gonna be Venezuela / Venezuela with its trousers __ __ his ankles, just hobbling / next door / into Colombia / have you got a kitchen roll? / have you got any toilet paper? / banging on the metaphorical cubicle, that is Bogota. ドンドンドン。おーい、ボゴタ、俺だ、ベネズエラだ。紙くれ。

We've lit up the social networking. How many re-tweets / trending and things / Bogota bog roll one / It's caught fire, mate. It's caught fire. / 民衆に火がついたぞ。/ two, the last time オレが最後にチェックした時点では２つきてたな。 / It still is いまだに２つだっつーの。/ ... Right. / lighting up the internet. It's ping, ping ping. / internet on my phone / "Oi, Rhod," says S__ __ __ "Sometime ago, you attempted / unravelled controversy in respect / using / baking foil / God, did I? / I must have been radio-high. __ __ __ shiny or dull side upwards" Oh, yeah. I remember that / inconclusive, I'm giving you another chance to redeem yourself / huh / subject of toilet roll again / everybody / I got stuck / festival once / somebody / "Excuse me ... uh ... do you know which way ... which way would you do toilet paper? / I was like "What?" / At a festival? / At a festival. / Just be happy / Just be ... exactly. / do it your own way / if you are at home, obviously it should be coming over the front / I knew that you would have a ... / only a maniac would have it down the wall, / 壁側のほうで垂らすヤツはかなりおかしいよ。/ where you scratch the paint / call me a maniac, but I don't care. / Well, I care / sometimes, none at all / go down there / cardboard / sometimes I just / window / sil / shelf / I got confused. Uh, the window sill / I just leave / I don't bother to use it / even though the toilet holder is there / sometimes / sometimes on the sill / sometimes you leave in a  shop down the road. / Sometimes I don't bother buying it at all. Exactly. Um ... so, there we go. That's the answer to that one / not / divorce, but it's just / 離婚の原因になるほどではないが / put it on / ... Yeah, I knew you'd have a strong opinion on it. おまえがこれにこだわる男だってのは知ってたよ。/ which / for / down the front / over the front. / hanging down dow front / Yeah. / I think if was gonna go either way. / Yeah? / if I was ... __ __ somebody put__ a gun to my head / yeah / and said, "Which way you wanna go?" / I / on the back / Yeah, that's the error. それが間違ってるんだよなー。/ I don't think so. Anyway, I can be excused. I / gun / panicked ... Now then, 頭に拳銃を突きつけられてパニクってたんだよ。カンベンしてくれ。/ Bill / show / looking out of his kitchen window / 1:30 / middle of the night, as he calls it, / his neighbour's pyjama-ed legs walking back and f__ in the garage like a motronome, tick, tick, tick, tick ... back and f__ __ pyjamaed legs / back and fo__ / c__ oil / I'm waiting for people to write in with what he was up to, 'cause __ my best guess was, he was playing solo table tennis, serving then running / sound like that / running / he's walking. ... So, let us know. We / not / sure / nothing sinister. So, uh, / so, / anyone / with that / Clint / Uh ... no. But we have / not a single / anybody / that feature we did three months ago. / Which one? / The "First Name Into A Band Name". / Oh, god / keep sending these / I don't want that. We wanna know / pyjamas in the middle of / night / I don't care about / Hhggg ...what do you want, Phil? / __ __ __ / The what? / The G__ / G__? G__? ... Oh, as in G__ ... G__ __ / You don't spell it like that, do you? ... I don't think you spell GARAN. It's not / that's not even a name, is it? __ __ __ __ __ __ __ Phill ... not only have you written in on a feature that is defunct / extinct feature some months ago / but / that doesn't even work. You've taken / three months to come up with one 三ヶ月かかって考えた成果がこれかよ。/ work. G__? ... Come on, Phil. I expect ... I expect a better one from you / this time / on the 1st of February. I expect / you / that at least works, Phil. ... What else have we got? / Uh ... lots of stuff on toilet roll / someone / it's taken off. / it's / Port Albert / another Phill / but with extra 'l' / Port Albert / unjust / right / so, this is / I did / anybody / been treated unfairly / (keep it right) / Phill was suspended for three days for losing time in a __ works / What? What does that mean? / losing time / quite metaphysical, isn't it / how / and, to be honest with you, if you / lost / / I've lost / what / happen / to the s__ works / drunk / I've only / lost time / my dignity / self-respect / and your keys. ... What else did he say? Is that it? / That's it. That's it. Suspended three days for losing / what are you talking about? ... What are you talking about? / Phill in Port Albert / for losing time / what do you even ... what do you mean? 「時間を失った」って、どういう意味だ？/ Also, if you / suspended for three days / then / I mean, how / establish how many days you were suspended / obviously / back before / suspended you / What happened, Phill? Clarify the situation, please. もっときちんと説明してくれ。/ Uh ... anyway ... / if you have time 時間があればね。/ Bill H__ in Mumbles / come back / the answer / strip of light / little bit longer / what usually happens is / go / tell you yet / keep guessing / not a single person guesses. ... This is ... this is what normally happens on this show / I say / coming / keep guessing / right / the show / nobody guesses at all for the duration of the show / and I forget / the answer / the end.

And if you enjoyed that, why don't you listen to the whole show? Rhod Gilbert live on Saturday morning__, BBC Radio Wales, 11 till 1.

よろしければこちらもどうぞ↓

Rhod Gilbert's Best Bits エピソード・リスト